We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
