i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
