This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
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