I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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