Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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