are you still at the devil's house?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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