Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
