capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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