apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
