I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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