Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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