I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
