my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
