i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I showed him my bush... on skype.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
