either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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