you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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