his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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