I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
