Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
