bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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