We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
