Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
and you fell through a lawn chair
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
