he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
