just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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