the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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