Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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