I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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