at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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