And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
No more Irish car bombs ever.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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