i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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