He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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