I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
