i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
