Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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