I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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