I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
