Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
