capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
