is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
