I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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