i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
