dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
