I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
