Pants 0. Shit 1.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize