Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
