wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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