The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
