I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
