I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
