We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
