If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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