Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
