I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
