I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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