ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
