she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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