hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
