Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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