Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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