captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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