Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
