my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think I just shit out all my problems.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
