Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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