Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
