I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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