1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
