I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
