The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
