if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize