Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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