Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
