Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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